I woke up this morning and decided that I did not want to wake up again. I decided that it is too much trouble. I decided that today would be my last day on earth so I wrote the letter to my family and anyone who cared to read it saying that I was tired of living so I would see what the next world was like. I told everyone not to cry and to forget me. I signed it and put it in an envelope with a happy face in it.
I went over to the drug store, carefully thinking, I bought 2 bottles of Tylenol. I have seen all the commercials saying how it was the best so I decided I would see how well it worked. I put it in a paper bag and returned home. I sat on my bed and swallowed 2. Then a thought came to me. I thought that I did not want to be embalmed. So I got up and wrote a whole new letter. It was just like the other letter only it said that I did not want to be embalmed and that I did not want to be buried; I wanted to be cremated and I wanted my ashes thrown in the ocean. I put the new letter back in the envelope and went back to the pills.
I was about to swallow another one when a new thought came into my mind. If I swallowed the pills the police would not know how I died and then they would have to perform an autopsy. You have to understand that I am very religious and that I am totally against autopsies. I think they are a violation of the body.
I decided that I would have to dispose of myself in another way, a way that people would be able to tell right away how I died and won't have to be messing with my body. The first thing that came to my mind was to shoot myself, but that would be too painful and messy. I hate pain and I cannot stand messiness. I wouldn't like the police coming into my apartment and seeing brains everywhere; that would be disgusting, especially if it is my brain. So I decided I would not shoot myself.